Jony Ive: The new iPhone 10B is the most advanced iteration of the original iPhone’s design Apple has ever created. iPhone 10B is a revolutionary new device that combines the durability of the Nokia 3310 with the performance of the clearly superior electronic components only found in iPhones. The brand new design, formed with ergonomics in mind, is the culmination of months of design, testing, and prototyping. Our incredibly complex manufacturing process entails a new chassis formation technique called heating. Ground breaking materials such as clay and shale are heated up to an astounding 2000 degrees Fahrenheit to excite a chemical transformation and material fusion process which leaves the iPhone 10B with a bold red hue.
But there is one more thing. Through advanced cryogenic technology, Apple has managed to do the impossible once again, bringing back the man who started it all. It is my absolute pleasure and honor to introduce to you, fresh out of the freezer, Mr. Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs: With the iPhone 5, my latest innovation, we have reinvented true design, using cutting-edge technology to build the thinnest iPhone yet. I have to say, it is quite the marvel.
Ive: Excuse me, Mr. Jobs, but Apple has already produced the iPhone 5, iPhone 5s, iPhone 6, iPhone 6s, iPhone 7, iPhone 7s, iPhone 8, iPhone 8s, iPhone 9, iPhone 9s, and iPhone 10 since your first passing. Before continuing, please visit apple.com to update yourself on Apple’s latest innovations.
Jobs: Horrified face WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE COMPANY, YOUNG MAN! YOU’VE RUINED THE ONE THING I WAS MOST PROUD OF. I WANT MY JOB BACK!
Tim Cook: I’m sorry, we can’t arrange that at this time.
Jobs: WHAT? Faints
Tim Cook: Get him back in the cryochamber right now. He doesn’t look too good.
Ive: Our cryo-technology may not be the best, but Apple’s newest iPhone certainly is revolutionary.